It’s been a little over a month since I last posted. April was a terrible month. May has slightly improved but only because of sheer strength of will.
April began with the meds not working – again. A miserable place to be for sure. I was trapped in this seemingly endless cycle of horrible thoughts and was nearly frozen emotionally. Then came some really bad news.
My dear, sweet cousin who was only 42 lost her life because of one single, stupid mistake. It was a shock to us all. The family reeled from the loss. It did give focus to something outside of myself though, which was actually good. I was able to make the trip to California for her services.
A couple of weeks after this, the real gut slammer – my husband asked me for a divorce. We have been married for twenty years and while things have not been super lately, divorce was the last thing I had thought. Apparently, it has been on his mind for a while now. I was devastated. And then furious. And then shattered again. It’s been a true roller coaster ride of emotion.
So, as you can see, this blog has not been at the top of my priority list. However, I think the time has come to pick it back up. For my own sake. I need something positive and this is it. A type of release for me.
My psych has upped my meds again especially after learning of my impending divorce. (Still trying to get used to that idea.) Not sure if they are working or not at this point because everything is … not a fog, but simply off. Guess they must be doing some good, I’m sitting here typing when a month ago I could barely get out of bed in the morning.
I have no idea what I will be sharing over the next month or so. I hope I can come up with something that is positive and helpful to someone reading this – as is always my hope. But life can’t stop moving forward. If it does, we’re in true trouble.
One thought on “And the Beat Goes On…”
My heart breaks for you and what you must be going through. There are no words I can come up with to make it any easier. But, I can say that you have a super, amazing, wonderful family that I know will support you through this time. I love you. I will be praying for you each and every day for strength, hope and faith. When things are down, there is only one way they can go and that is back up! I know this will happen for you. Things will improve with time. Love, Jill