Can I just sit here and vent for a bit?  I’m so tired.  I’m tired of everything that needs to be done and tired of doing it on my own for the most part.  I’m tired of being judged for not having my house up to standards that my family can’t seem to attain.  It hurts that we aren’t “normal.”  It hurts that people don’t see the day to day struggle we go through yet expect us to act like everyone else.  It hurts that autism, bipolar, depression, ADHD and PTSD have such a profound affect on our lives and no one else we know can possibly understand just how big it is to deal with them all.  We have a three-ring circus going on complete with monkeys and flying elephants. 

Our family is different from yours.  I know everyone’s family is different, but we are so far out of the ballpark that we’re in a different city altogether.  How many families do you know that deal with what we do?  Now of those families, if any, are they military families?  Is the father living hundreds of miles away because the Army said he couldn’t stay where he was and his son couldn’t leave the services he had just started receiving?  Seriously – if you know of any, please share some contact info!  I’d love to meet them!  It would make me feel less alone.

If I could have just one day where Ry slept and kept his clothes on like a “normal” child – if I could have just one day where Paix wasn’t all over the place physically and emotionally – if I could have just one day that I didn’t have to worry about Aidan being taken advantage of or about Eric being able to handle being away from us – if I could have just one day where the hundreds of things that make our family so different would go away, maybe I could breathe easy.  

It’s hard living this life.  Life is tough for anyone living with the issues we do even if it is only one at a time.  Add all the issues together like us, and it can be crushing.  It’s no wonder depression is so close all the time.  I don’t think anyone could be upbeat most of the time dealing with the daily stress that I do.  I’m tired.  I’m always tired.  I’m always on the verge of tears.  I don’t dare cry though – not as often as I’d like to anyway.  It would only drain what little energy I have left, and I don’t have time for that.  So, I keep going.  One foot in front the other.  Taking it day by day.  Always hoping there will be a little taste of joy tomorrow.