Have you ever been through a time in your life where you have lost your purpose?  I think we all have a period in life when this happens.  If you haven’t gone through yours yet, just wait.  It’s coming.  For the past couple of months, I have been struggling with finding my purpose again.  It used to be raising the kids, but they are mostly grown now and need me far less than they used to.  Or should anyway.  Yes, there is Ryland who will always need me, but true happiness does not come from revolving your whole life around a single person.  It should be much more far reaching than that.  All the self-help gurus and life coaches will tell you that.  Books have been written on the subject.  Find your passion and you will find your purpose.  So here I am, searching for my passion and purpose again.

I’d love to have a real job again – paid or volunteer.  I want something more.  Something that serves others.  That’s why I started this blog in the first place – hoping to help others going through what our family goes through.  But the truth is, I’m still trying to figure all that out myself.  How can I help others when I still feel like I’m drowning in life myself?  “You are not alone” can only go so far.  People start wanting answers to questions like, “What do I do next?”  I can’t answer that – I have no clue!  Putting one foot in front of the other and trying to get through each day is all I’ve got right now.  To have a real job again – working with actual people – would help me feel like I was contributing to something greater than myself.  However – jobs that cater to my personal schedule are hard to find.  Trust me – I’ve been looking.  Right now, as I type this Ry is at home because his class is not in the classroom today due to testing and he is too much for his teacher to handle.  And when he is home, he demands attention at the most inopportune times.  I need flexibility for that.  Does anyone have any suggestions?

Purpose is what keeps us going, what can make us truly happy.  Budda said, “Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it.”  I’m trying, I’m really trying but it’s hard when life seems to get in the way.  There are always bills that need to be paid with money that disappears too quickly.  There is always a therapy or doctor’s appointment to go to.  There is always something in the house or on the vehicle that needs fixing.  There is always someone else in the family that needs help with a situation.  When do I get my help?  When do I get to truly throw myself into what makes ME happy?

There was a time a few years ago when I was into several different things – a Cub Scout leader and committee member; a Girl Scout leader to a special needs troop that I started; a member of a couple of committees that served the special needs community in the school system; I was even COO of an up and coming non-profit organization for spouses of service members with PTSD.  I truly miss those days.  I felt I had purpose then.  But now…  Keep trying to find what the Universal has in store for me – trying to find what is next.  For now though I’m lost. 

Surely I’m not the only one!  There must be others of you out there who are going through or have gone through the same type of thing.  Please share your story with me in the comments below.  Are you still there like me or did you find your purpose and are now living a more full-filling life?  I apologize for the morose post but felt the need to share what has been on my mind lately.  We need to keep encouraging each other – this is the only life we have right now and it shouldn’t be wasted on self-doubt and self-pity.  Our time will come – we just have to keep searching for it.  As Dory sang, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”